Today I woke up at about 4 PM to my phone ringing. I normally turn my phone off before I go to bed, but as fate would have it today I forgot. I picked up my phone trying to focus on it, which is hard when you fist wake up. I didn’t recognize the number so of course I didn’t answer it. After it stopped ringing I checked my other missed calls. I had 6 total missed calls and all of them were from this mysterious number. I immediately go into panic mode thinking that someone is desperately trying to get a hold of me for some important reason. Before I can check my voicemail to see if somebody left me some important message, my phone rings again from the same number. I answer it immediately, say “hello?”, and I get a recording “all of our operators are busy right now, please hold for the next available representative”. This immediately pisses me off. Since when is it ok to call someone and make them wait?
After about 30 seconds on the phone I hear a voice say “Hello this is Omar and i would like to talk to you about your Best Buy card. You currently have..” I interrupt him with “Fuck Omar did you call me six times today? I don’t think there is anything that important going on with my Best Buy that requires calling me six times.” Omar goes on to explain that he did not call me six times, they have an automated system blah blah blah” I stop him, and ask him what is wrong with my Best Buy card. He tells me that I currently have a balance of $210, and owe a past due amount of $20. He then asks me if I am able to make a payment today.”
At this point I am a furious ball of anger. Granted, this is my fault. Somehow my Best Buy bill slipped through the cracks this month and I didn’t pay it. However, I think that calling me six times over 20 bucks is a little fucking extreme. My first instinct is to advise Omar that he can tell Best Buy to take a rolling fuck through a flying dough nut, but I take a deep breath calm down and decide that I’m going to fuck with Omar.
“Omar, how much is that in Pesos? That’s all I have laying around here. Omar starts explaining to me the available payment options, but I interrupt him by yelling “OMAR” as loud as I can. He says “Yes sir?”, I say “Did you hear that?” “Did I hear what sir?” I go on “I think it’s my heart, it’s beating like really loud.” Omar tries to get the conversation back on track but I throw him another curve ball. “Omar, what’s a golgi apparatus?” I hear him sigh, and then say “I don’t know.” I respond with “HAAAA I know what it is. I’m smarter than you.” Now I’ve got his attention and he says “What is it?” I tell him it’s the thing in your car that mixes the gas and air, which if you didn’t know is complete bullshit. He says “Isn’t that the carburetor?” I come back with “NO, and don’t fucking argue with me Omar. I know about shit.”
At this point I say “Oh, this is my favorite part”, I turn up the music that I have playing in the background super long and start singing along to Disturbed - Just Stop. This goes on for about 2 minutes, and I have to give Omar credit. He listened to the whole thing and didn’t say a word. I turn the music back down and say “Ok, where were we? Best Buy wants me to make a payment or you are going to come break my legs.” Omar slips and says “Yes.” I flip out. “Omar, you are going to break my legs?” He realizes what he just said and tries to correct himself “No no no no, I’m just calling on their behalf to ask if you can make a payment today.” I’m not letting him off that easy. “Omar, please please please don’t break my legs. I love my legs. I enjoy walking and doing interpretative dance. I can’t live without the use of my beautiful legs.”
Now I can tell that Omar is getting a little frustrated with me. He says “Sir…” with a long pause after it. I say “Omar are you mad at me?” He then breaks it down for me that he’s just doing is job. I then tell him that I am just doing my job. He then asks me if my job is harassing people via the telephone. I have a minute long gut laugh at that and the come back to Omar and say “Omar, your company has called me 6 times today. Who is harassing who?” Omar gives it one last desperate attempt “Sir are you able to make a payment today?” I politely tell Omar “I will never pay it, ever. You will have to pry that 20 bucks from my cold dead hands in hell. The next time I have 20 bucks and nothing to do with it, I’m going write Best Buy on it and set that mother fucker on fire.” *click* I hang up, go on the internets, and pay the bill online. I’m such a bastard.
you are a douche bag haha